An Un-Corrected Problem Tends to Turn to Sarcasm

Everyone should become an illegal alien

By Mike Shaner, Hollywood City Guide Examiner

 According to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, Office of Immigration Statistics (DHS), an estimated 2,600,000 illegal immigrants resided in California in 2009. Protectionist and anti-immigrant advocates claim undocumented workers contribute to the unemployment crisis and benefit from the entitlement system without paying in.  Those across the aisle say illegal aliens do not impact unemployment levels, but are actually crucial to the economy because they take jobs that other citizens don’t want.  Finally, there is a third, too often muted argument that both sides are inconsistent in their argument and that all Americans should become “illegal.”

This third eye sees a certain hypocrisy in Republicans who claim to want less government and lower taxes bellowing to regulate an entire group of people, even demanding that they (everyone) carry papers.  It sees the same type of glibness in a Democrat argument that says there are jobs Americans will not do, but feverishly lobby to extend unemployment insurance.

There is a freedom movement that suggests the problem is not with illegal aliens but with a system that requires business owners to act as tax collectors and individuals to carry papers with them at all times. To this group unemployment is at an all-time high due to over-regulation and government meddling. They suggest that instead of chastising illegal immigrants we should join them.

“Conservatives have it all wrong on immigration,” said a Hollywood landscaper who asked to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. “They should be advocating for everyone to quit paying taxes and refuse to get drivers licenses. These taxes fund immoral wars and hurt the economy. I hire so-called illegal aliens, not because it saves me a few dollars an hour in pay roll, but because of the thousands extra I would have to pay in payroll tax, unemployment tax, workers comp, and everything else. I would prefer to hire English speakers, communication would be easier and the customers would be more comfortable, but the government makes that impossible, especially here in Los Angeles County where we are taxed on top of tax.”

Others suggest that if we ended the nanny state and allowed the market to work both the unemployment crisis and the immigration problem would take care of itself. Connie Wood, a local daycare provider had this to say: “I believe people have a natural right to travel freely, but as Milton Friedman said we can’t have a welfare state and open borders at the same time. If we ended the welfare state and let markets work the only immigrants who would want to come here would be those looking to work hard and contribute. Those are the type of Immigrants who made America great in the first place.”

The anonymous Hollywood landscaper added: “Instead of complaining about the government all the time we need to do something. Don’t be mad at Jose who just wants to work, take care of his family, and be left alone, Join him instead. If you contribute to a broken system you are part of the problem. If you fund the wars—you are a warmonger. Instead of bitching about illegal aliens doing all the things we wish we could do we should join them. We should all become illegal aliens.”